Monthly Archives: November 2014

Chiropractor Appointment

Went to a chiro recommended to me last night and got some pretty amazing news.. I found out that there’s a bulge on my MRI that NO-ONE has paid attention to, which is the actual source of my pain and not the degenerated disc, and it CAN be fixed! It’s a long term injury that wore down the disc and then a blunt force injury a few years ago that led to an annular tear and also to the disc bulging eventually on to my sciatic nerve when I started correcting my deadlift form. I went in unable to lift my leg higher than a 45degree angle and came out with it at 90degrees – even higher than my better leg! He said he thinks he’ll have me fixed up and back lifting by Xmas 🙂

I’m trying to be realistic just in case it doesn’t work, but it’s the best news I’ve had in years.

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Dealing with Chronic Sciatica and PTSD

A blog post I wrote earlier about chronic pain management and PTSD.

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Pain and more pain

I’m in a great deal of pain daily at the moment. Getting back to any kind of training hasn’t even been an option. On top of that, my anxiety/PTSD issues are really bad right now so even the idea of going to the gym is too much. At the moment, I do my work at home, go to the childminding gig 3 days a week, and that’s it. My boyf lives with me and has been a massive help, but he’s the only person I see lately. Even walking into the town fills me with anxiety.

I hate that I can’t train. It was the one thing that made me feel good about myself and now I’ve lost it too. I hate this body and what its become. I used to be strong, fit, lean.. Now I disgust myself.

I don’t see a way out. The only thing I can do it upper body work which doesn’t make sense as I’ll be creating imbalances and it wouldn’t be much use anyway. Even the crosstrainer makes my leg go numb so it’s not an option either. Everyone says ‘go swimming’, well I would if I thought it would work but it’s actually the least decent form of cardio there is and it has little strength benefits at all. Also, I’d rather not have my scars on display in a public pool.

When I hated my body as a teenager, the gym was the thing that changed me. It made me like myself. It gave me confidence. Now I’ve lost that. I’ve lost so much, and now this too.

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Moxie Luster

The chaotic, musing, sometimes whimsical scribe.

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An Introvert's "Ice Cream Social"

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the place between sleep & awake

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An abysmal reality.